After a hard day sporing on the forest floor, mushrooms used to gather at the local pub -- Gus’ Place -- where Gus was known for saying “things are always moist and shady carpophores are always welcome.” At Gus’, you could plop your basal bulb down and hydrate or --if you’re hungry --you could get down with a mess of well-rotted wood.

Well, one late afternoon, a couple of long-stiped shaggy-maned ladies were sitting at a table, looking kind of bored. A couple of Alcohol Inkys eyed them from a nearby table, but the Shaggys ignored them, knowing those guys couldn’t hold their liquor.

A Couple of Alcohol Inkys Eyed Them

Then suddenly, in walked Stinkhorn Stan and stood in the doorway, surveying the scene. Around his cap circled not a few flies. Soon he spotted the shaggy ladies and slimed over to their table to accost them.

“Hello girls. You look bored. Can I buy you a drink? “

Unfortunately, before the ladies could answer, they caught a whiff of Stan’s aroma and rapidly deliquesced.

Can I Buy You Girls a Drink?

Gus protested loudly from the bar.

“Stan, there goes two more customers! I ought to kick you outta here. But, what the heck… what’ll you have to drink?”

“Ah-ma-nee-da beer, Gus,” he replied in a Southern drawl.

“What you need, Stan, is a bath!” offered Gus emphatically.

“Aw gee, you’re no fun, Gus,” retorted Stan, rather piqued, “dontcha know, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar?”

“I’m guessing it’s not flies that you’re missing, Stan. The ladies —you see —are just not impressed with a guy who draws flies.”

“You know, maybe I got it wrong. Maybe it’s, you can catch more honeys with flies than with vinegar.”

Gus just threw up his hands then and gave up. Stan, meanwhile, started thinking about honeys and made plans to visit the old Oak tree and call on sweet Miss Armillaria Mellea.

Stan Heard that You Can Catch More Flies with Honey than with Vinegar